THE UNDOING by Zamiya Akber

This is how the undoing begins –
us within the arms of a sun-drenched bus stop,
my lips pressed against your knuckles,
your eyelids glistening with golden light

When I told that boy I loved him,
what I meant was –
I’m not afraid of dying anymore.
I think I stopped being afraid the first time I realized
that pouring those sleeping pills down my throat
would only take a minute – three, at most
or maybe I stopped being afraid
once I called out to God for the final time,
the memory of that uncomfortable silence
ringing in my ears until dawn arrived.

If I must say something, let it be this –

I found you the way a vagrant finds home,
away from motel rooms and knees
stinging with blood.
This is not to say that we didn’t fall apart eventually,
gutted matches caressing a flame for far too long –
This is to say that
I made a promise the night you left and
lifted it to the sky –
I will never forget you.
I promise, I promise, I promise.

 

Zamiya Jay is a Singaporean writer and photographer who is currently based in Lahore, Pakistan. She is the founder of Velvet Voices, a platform dedicated to spoken word poetry. In her free time, she enjoys watching movies, religiously listening to Jhene  Aiko, and drinking too much iced coffee. You can find her on Instagram @zamiyazamiya.
Social media handles:
Instagram: @zamiyazamiya

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