the national suicide hotline responders know me by name by Brianne Grothe

TW: SUICIDE AND SELF-HARM

 

i told her, her name was faith,
that my ex had finally left me all the way
and that i felt like stabbing myself again

she said have you self-harmed before i said no
she said do men always make you want to self-harm
i said yes and i started to cry

she said to print out a picture and put it on the wall
a picture i could push on with a Q-tip, prick with a pin
punish with a dart, a picture of him, because your
body is a temple hun

he told me he loved me every other day
after he dumped me for over two months

she said to not let him make me kill myself, that
i needed to separate myself from the hurt he made
me inflict, that maybe we could be friends later
when i have a new boyfriend so that it wouldn’t
matter if he made me so, so mad

i said i didn’t even want to be friends

i told him about the Q-tips and darts and
he didn’t text back

i think the whole thing is funny now
but My Dad The Therapist would say
that’s because i’m labile again

so i sit here wondering if i have bed
bugs again or whether i just itch
because i’m crawling out of my skin

he finally responded to the darts

i feel better now.

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