Now it’s just a reminder of how I can’t let go of old memories.
I have photographs saved in my phone from a time when I used to smile more,
A time when the leaves on the trees were way more vibrant, way brighter
And I tended to hold my head a hell of a lot higher,
But now I can’t even lift it off my fucking pillow.
Rolling out of my bed in the morning is one of the hardest things I have to do.
Not as hard as my coping with my dead aunt or my parents almost divorce
But damn is it close and the fact that I celebrate when I can go through most of the day
without contemplating driving my car off a bridge or
“accidentally” taking too many of these pills that are supposed to stop these thoughts
makes me feel even worse about you being the cause of this bout.
Even though we are on better terms and I say I have better mental health,
it’s a lie that I tell you but that I also tell myself.
Like those leaves from years past, I used to glow so much brighter.
Why must you play Prometheus and steal my fire that I worked so hard for 3 months building?
I was almost an inferno and you reduced me to ash.
Maggie Mayer is a Creative Writing major at Ball State University. She REALLY loves writing, as seen by her double minor in Film & Screen Writing and Professional Writing. When she isn’t working on her writing portfolio, she is watching movies on Netflix and working as an on-air personality for the radio station at BSU. She has had her work published in the Digital Literature Review at Ball State and works as a member of the publicity team for the literary journal. You can see pictures of her dog on Instagram @maggiemayerxo and read her broody tweets on Twitter @MaggieMMayer15.